


Equius trolls Gamzee trolls Equius

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Flirting, M/M, Pesterlog, Pranks, asphyxiation mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3265532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span class="“gamzee”">TC: BoY HoWdY Am i jUsT BuStInG My mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLoBeS WaItInG FoR ThIs fInE AsS MoThErFuCkEr tO TeLl mE WhAt a dIsGrAcE I Am.</span><br/> <br/>----</p><p>Homesmut Prompt: Someone, maybe as a small joke, is using Gamzees account and pretending to be him. When Equius hits up Gamzee's account for his daily "You are a terrible excuse for a highblood you are awful", the person pretending to be Gamzee decides to insult him back</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equius trolls Gamzee trolls Equius

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious[TC]  
CT: D --> I must tell you what a reprehensible disgrace you are in every way  
CT: D --> There are just innumerable things you fail at that I don’t know how I can even list them  
CT: D --> It makes me so angry to think about it  
CT: D --> I might again have to spend the better part of the evening telling you  
CT: D --> As I have attempted many times  
CT: D --> Highb100d  
CT: D --> Please respond  
CT: D --> Are you even there  
TC: MoThErFuCk pImP Ma rIdDa bItChTiTs iT’S My nInJa eQuIuS EqUbRo zAhHaK!  
CT: D --> So I see you are up and in good spirits as usual  
CT: D --> But have you managed to read what I wrote  
TC: MoThErFuCkEr i gOt mY SiGhT OrGaNs aLl sLoBbErInG OvEr yOuR BlUeBeRrY TeXt.  
TC: So yOu aRe wAnTiNg tO TeLl mE WhAt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg dIsGrAcE ThIs mOtHeRfUcKeR Is?  
TC: FoR An eNtIrE MoThErFuCkInG EvEnInG?  
CT: D --> If that is all right with you, Highb100d  
TC: BoY HoWdY Am i jUsT BuStInG My mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLoBeS WaItInG FoR ThIs fInE AsS MoThErFuCkEr tO TeLl mE WhAt a dIsGrAcE I Am.  
TC: It’S nOt lIkE I DoN’T MoThErFuCkInG HaVe aNoThEr mOtHeRfUcKeR To tElL Me tHaT!  
CT: D --> I am certainly more worthy of telling you that you are a disgrace to your caste than the gutterb100ds you call associates  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG YeAh, BlUeBeRrY BlOoDs kNoW MoRe aBoUt dIsGrAcE ThAn aNyOnE!  
TC: ThEy aRe pImPmAsTeR NiNjAs oF DiSgRaCe.  
CT: D --> I am glad to see you are taking the spectrum seriously for once  
TC: It’S oNlY MoThErFuCkInG FaIr tO LiStEn tO SoMeOnE WhO Is sOoOoO FuCkInG HiGh oN ThE FlAvOrSpEcTrUm.  
TC: HiGhEr tHaN Me oN My mOtHeRfUcKiNg gReEn bOoGeR PiEs >:0]  
CT: D --> Actually  
CT: D --> I am lower on the spectrum  
CT: D --> Though not by much mind you  
TC: WhOoOoOoOoOa i wOuLd hAvE ThOuGhT SoMeOnE WiTh yOuR LeVeL Of pImPiTuDe wOuLd bE OuR FiRsT MoThErFuCkInG MaLe eMpReSs!  
CT: D --> No, I am not  
CT: D --> I am an indigo b100d and you are a purple b100d  
TC: No fUcKeR I’M A GrApE BlOoD AnD YoU ArE A BlUeBeRrY BlOoD.  
TC: MeAnInG YoU ArE MoThErFuCkInG NoRmAl pLaNt bLuEbErRiEs aNd nOt tHe mIrAcLe cAnDy bLuEbErRy rAsPbErRy tHeY MaKe iN MiRaClE FaCtOrIeS   
TC: I Am sWeEt sWeEt gRaPe cAnDy sUgAr aSs mIrAcLeS LiKe tHe sHiT I DrInK 24/7  
CT: D --> I will not quibble terminology  
CT: D --> However I do not approve of your obsession with soda and other sugared items  
CT: D --> You should drink wholesome beverages  
TC: SoRrY BrO I DoN’T HaVe a mOtHeRfUcKiNg lUsUs sWeAtInG OuT WhItE FlUiD FoR Me wHeNeVeR I GeT ThE MoThErFuCkInG VaPoRs .  
CT: D --> Lusus milk is so healthy and I am amazed trolls quit it so early  
TC: I GuEsS ThE LoW EvApOrAtIoN PoInT MiRaClEs tUrNs tHe mOtHeRfUcKeRs oFf.  
CT: D --> It is a shame your lusus wasn’t around to make you a troll being  
TC: It’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg aMaZiNg I cAn bReAtHe wItHoUt A mOtHeRfUcKiNg bUtLeR ReMiNdInG Me.  
CT: D --> Oh Aurthour  
CT: D --> I am proud of my lusus  
TC: I WiSh i hAd a mIlKbEaSt wItH A MuStAcHe aS My lUsUs.  
TC: InStEaD Of a mOtHeRfUcKiNg dRaGoN-LiKe fIfTy fOoT FlYiNg sEaGoAt.  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG SiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiGh   
TC: FaMiLy wHoOp wHoOp   
CT: D --> Another thing  
CT: D --> I hate your hair so much  
CT: D --> You must learn to groom and control your unruly locks  
TC: DoEs tHiS MoThErFuCkEr eVeN KnOw hOw mAnY MoThErFuCkInG CoMbS I’Ve bRoKeN?  
TC: BuT My hAiR DoEs mAkE A VeRy nIcE PiLlOw >;0]  
CT: D --> Then at the very least clean your hair  
CT: D --> And I DON’T mean with salt water  
TC: ThAnKs fOr tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg hYgIeNe tIpS BrO, tHaT MeAnS A MoThErFuCkInG LoT CoMiNg fRoM YoU.  
TC: SaY BrO, hOw mAnY ToWeLs sHoUlD I UsE To dRy oFf mYsElF OfF EvErY NiGhT? wHaT Is yOuR MoThErFuCkInG AvErAgE? 100?  
CT: D --> As e%quisite as that would be to use that number, I only use four  
CT: D --> On a good night, that is  
TC: ThAt’s mOtHeRfUcKiNg sWeLl.  
TC: I DoN’T SwEaT BuCkEtLoAdS LiKe yOu bUt iT MoThErFuCkInG UsEfUl tO KnOw iN CaSe i mOtHeRfUcKiNg tAkE Up tHe hAbIt!  
CT: D --> I hope you never reveal my perspiration problem to anyone.  
CT: D --> My moirail is the only other troll who knows it  
TC: DoN’T MoThErFuCkInG WoRrY, mY BiG PuFfY ClOwN LiPs aRe sEaLeD.>;0]  
CT: D --> That is good  
CT: D --> And when your fleshy lips do open, I want no disgusting language to come out  
TC: HuH? wHaT MoThErFuCkInG LaNgUaGe dO YoU MoThErFuCkInG MeAn mOtHeRfUcKeR?  
CT: D --> I mean the e%pletives you with which you pepper your ungrammatical speech  
TC: WhAt aRe e%pLeTiVeS >:0?  
CT: D --> I thought you were schoolfed in at least that part of language, if not officially at least from my instruction.  
CT: D --> You know  
CT: D --> Certain e%plicit words  
CT: D --> About se%   
CT: D --> And e%crement  
TC: IsN’T MoThErFuCkInG E%CrEmEnT A MoThErFuCkInG E%PlEtIvE?  
CT: D --> E%crement doesn’t count, only synonyms count  
CT: D --> As well as words that sound like synonyms  
TC: I StIlL CaN’T GeT My mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNkPaN ArOuNd tHiS.  
TC: CaN YoU LiSt eVeRy mOtHeRfUcKiNg e%pLeTiVe aNd iTs mOtHeRfUcKiNg sOuNdAlIkE?  
CT: D --> I don’t think I can bring myself to do that, Highb100d  
TC: WhY CaN’T YoU Do iT FoR A MoThErFuCkInG HiGhBlOoD?  
CT: D --> I think perhaps the internet would be a better resources  
TC: GuEsS A MoThErFuCkInG BlUeBeRrY BlOoD DoEsN’T KnOw eVeRyThInG, hUh?  
CT: D --> I do know you also should not take the names of God, the Empress, or the Mother Grub in vain  
TC: I CaN’T Be pRoUd tO SaY ThEiR MoThErFuCkInG HoLy nAmEs?  
CT: D --> That’s not what I meant  
CT: D --> I mean don’t say the names as a silly e%clamation or vile curse  
TC: CaN HeR ImPeRiOuS RaSpBeRrY TaKe hEr oWn nAmE In vAiN?  
CT: D --> That is not an issue I have ever thought of  
CT: D --> I do not wish to think about it  
TC: I HeArD ShE KnOwS SoMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAlTy lAnGuAgE   
CT: D --> It’s just a foal rumor that she speaks  
CT: D --> Salty language  
CT: D --> In her private blocks  
CT: D --> We should not even be talking about her  
TC: YeAh, We wOuLdN’T WaNt yOu mOtHeRfUcKiNg hUnG FoR MoThErFuCkInG BlAsPhEmY  
CT: D --> I shiver at that idea of displeasing the Empire  
CT: D --> I most certainly do not want to be hung  
TC: DoN’T MoThErFuCkInG WoRrY, yOuR TaStE In aRt sUgGeStS YoU’Ll nEvEr bE.  
CT: D --> Yes, any subjuggulators could tell from my massive collection of musclebeast art I am a decent blueb100d  
TC: YoU ArE MoThErFuCkInG OvEr-cOmPeNsAtEd, My bRo.  
CT: D --> Though being e%ecuted like a common criminal is a terrible end to a troll, I must admit, I find the idea of asphy%iation  
CT: D --> Fascinating  
TC: MaYbE I CoUlD MoThErFuCkInG HoOk yOu uP WiTh mY MoThErFuCkEr tErEzI?  
CT: D --> I do not wish to tell anyone about my fetish for asphy%iation  
CT: D --> I mean, interest  
TC: WhAt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg sHaMe.  
CT: D --> I do not trust that tealb100d  
CT: D --> Serket is deceitful but at least her deceit is obvious and easy to avoid  
CT: D --> I never know where I am with Pyrope  
TC: TeReZi iS ThE MoThErFuCkInG BiTcHtItS BoMb!  
CT: D --> You should avoid her and Vantas  
CT: D --> They will lead you down the disgusting path of sarcasm  
TC: Me bE SaRcAsTiC?  
CT: D --> Your speech is e%cretable but at least it is honest and straightforward  
TC: I’D NeVeR LiE To yOu aNgRy sWeAtY BrO.  
TC: bRo? WhAt’S uP?  
CT: D --> I re-read our log and I have a strange feeling you are being sarcastic  
CT: D --> You do not sound like yourself  
TC: WhAt oThEr mOtHeRfUcKeR WoUlD I SoUnD LiKe bUt oLd gAmZeE MaKaRa?  
CT: D --> I don’t know  
CT: D --> I am probably being paranoid  
TC: MaYbE I’M GaMzEe’s kIsMeSiS AnD I’M UsInG HiS LaPtOp wHiLe hE SlEePs iT OfF?  
CT: D --> The Highb100d Makara having his pitch quadrant filled?  
CT: D --> You have already told me you are not interested in obtaining a kismesis over and over  
TC: WhOoOoA HoW MaNy tImEs hAvE YoU AsKeD ThIs mOtHeRfUcKeR OuT?  
CT: D --> I have never asked you out  
TC: NeVeR NoT EvEr?>:0(  
CT: D --> However if you are asking me out pitch e%crusion, I would be more than delighted to accept  
TC: ToO BaD YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg hIgHbLoOd aLrEaDy hAs tHe bEsT MoThErFuCkInG KiSmEsIs eVeR.  
CT: D --> I’m sorry for being so forward, Highb100d  
CT: D --> Who is the highblood who is worth to be your rival  
TC: ShE’S A MoThErFuCkInG MiDbLoOd.  
TC: YoU KnOw, ThE OnE YoU ToLd mE To sTaY ThE FuCk aWaY FrOm   
CT: D --> Is it Pyrope?  
TC: Y3S, 1 4M T3R3Z1 “MOTH3RFUCK1NG” PYROPE!  
TC: 4ND 1 JUST FUCKED YOUR P1TCHCRUSH 1N TH3 WAST3CHUTE!!!  
TC: H4H4H4H4!  
terminallyCapricious [tC] ceased trolling centaursTesticles [cT]  
CT: D --> I have lost him  
centaursTesticle[CT] **STRONG** blocked terminallyCapricious [TC]


End file.
